"Americans used to say where there's a will, there's a way. Nowadays, it's where there's a pill, there's a way out." - - Burnt Toast


Sometimes this blog is about food.

There have been a great many discoveries and improvements in the culinary world since man first learned to cook with fire, each step forward built upon the past successes or failures of the previous step forward.

Cooking and creating flavorful food is all about learning a few basic techniques and expanding your basic knowledge through hard work, observation, repetition and study.  Cooking well is part math, part science, but mostly art, and the three performed together can result in some glorious sensations and satisfactions.

This is not one of those times.

Somehow, someway, culinary evolution got drunk on Cisco and fucked his first cousin in the back seat of a rusted out '74 Ford Pinto with BTO's Takin' Care of Business blaring on the 8-track.

There is just something about the awful combination of disgusting convenience food and a fat redneck in a sleeveless shirt that screams armpit hair, body odor, and shock from overdosing on iodized salt.

I notice that the package says "Ready in 15 Minutes", yeah, and you'll be dead 12 minutes after that for eating this shit. You'd probably be better off just eating a regular cheeseburger and chasing it down with a quart of melted lard mixed with imitation bacon bits.

No, scratch that.  You be better off just blowing your fucking brains out with a bazooka.  If you buy this garbage, you are an idiot.  If you buy this garbage and then eat it, you are an imbecile.  If you buy this garbage and feed it to others, you are a menace to public safety.

Sorry Larry, but as I borrow your parlance, I think I just "Got er' done!

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