Chop Chop!

Funny. I just realized I still have my sunglasses on top of my head.

Well, here I am in "Animal House." Otherwise know as a nondescript extended stay hotel to which I have learned since checking in that I'm not fully qualified to stay here. I seem to be lacking the aura of dereliction, scuzziness and funk-i-tude that must be a base requirement for staying in this place. I'm almost 100% certain that I'm the only bloke in here who lacks a criminal record and I'm 110% sure I'm the only bloke cooking with ginger and fish sauce.

Let's get started. First, sterilize everything in your extended stay hotel, including yourself, you filthy bastard.

Slice a bit of onion, bell pepper, and thaw out some frozen mixed vegetables (broccoli, cauliflower, carrots and sweet peas). Peel and mince some ginger and garlic.



Thinly slice one skinless chicken breast on the bias and marinate in soy, fish sauce, ginger, crushed red pepper, garlic and 2 tsp. corn starch. Mix well. Reserving some ginger and garlic for the eventual stir fry.

In the meantime, boil some water, drink some Henieken, gobble down a few Herdez sliced jalapeños and pray that you didn't forget to pack the antacid.

When the water boils, add the rice noodles (you do have rice noodles, don't you?), turn off the heat and let soak for three minutes. Drain, shock with cold water, drain again and reserve.

In a wok not like the one below, heat the pan to high heat, add the oil and cook the chicken and until it has browned and cooked through approximately 50%. Remove and reserve.



In the same "wok" add the ginger and garlic and a touch of red pepper flakes. Saute for 4.39 seconds (literally) and add the onion and pepper. Saute rapidly, moving all the while and after two minutes add the vegetables and saute for 1 minute longer. Add the chicken and noodles 3 TBSP. of soy sauce, a pinch of sugar and 1 tsp. of fish sauce.

At this point, you may have to add few tablespoons of water to help everything heat through. If we were really cooking in a wok, we probably wouldn't have this issue. Maybe just a splash for some hot steam.

Cook for a couple of minutes, toss in a few ingredients that I don't have like, chopped peanuts, a dab of hoisin sauce, chopped coriander, bean sprouts, green onions, water chestnuts, bamboo shoots, enokitake mushrooms, sliced nori and even a pinch of ground, freeze-dried cockroaches (a story for another day).


Well, enjoy! And in case you didn't notice, this is not fried rice. Technically, I suppose it qualifies as a Pad Thai creation. Whatever it is, it's pretty good.