Good Eats, Bad Music. . .

Last night a group of four of us donned our Sunday best and hit the streets in search of a good meal.  This, after 45 minutes of arguing over where to go and what to do.  Everyone had their own opinion of what and where and not, and it wasn't until during the stalemate of ideas I suggested a sackful of Krystal burgers and a trip to the bowling alley did we finally agree that Ely's Restaurant was the choice.

We arrived abound 8:15 without a reservation and we expected to have a wait, but they quickly slipped us into a cozy four top.  The waitress named Becca, Rebecca, some kind of -Ecca was attentive and courteous and quick with menus and drinks.

After a brief perusal of the menu, I didn't have a very good feeling about our choice as the menu options were fairly standard and nothing out of the ordinary jumped off the page to me with the exception of the appetizer of Baked Kibbeh, which did not disappoint with a depth of aromatic spices as it should have.  Of our group, only one other person ordered an appetizer which was the Seafood Bisque that lacked the depth of flavor and intensity one would expect from a bisque.

The entrees fared better with two Center Cut Filet Mignons topped with sauteed crab, one stuffed flounder and for myself, the Sesame Yellow Fin Tuna, medium rare.  The filets were cooked perfectly for my guests, that is if you like your meat absolutely bludgeoned to death until there is no sign of color left, but to each his and her own.  My tuna was fabulous and perfectly cooked and a bite of the flounder proved worthy of consideration for another dining trip.

The real highlight of the meal was the bottle of 2005 Far Niente Chardonnay which paired perfectly with the tuna and flounder and even complimented the melange of spices in the Kibbeh.  On the other hand, this is one of those places that likes to over garnish the plate so that dustings of spice and chopped herbs end up on the plate's edge which is a huge culinary no-no and a personal pet-peeve of mine.  You know what goes on a plate's edge right after it comes out of the kitchen?  Your waiter's dirty thumb, that's what.  And who wants a dirty thumb mingling with the garnish that might somehow end up attached to your food, fork and mouth?

And another thing.  Here is the a al carte asparagus I ordered:

Before I proceed, let me just say that the asparagus was cooked perfectly and had a delightful and peppery citrus aroma that blended perfectly with the earthy vegetables.  However. . .why serve giant asparagus in a giant coffee cup?  I understand that it looks more interesting, but it made for a rather awkward consumption experience as I was sure at any moment one or a piece of one was going to launch itself from the utensils and land in some inappropriate place.  Like someone else's lap, wine glass or hair.  Also, note the messy splattering of parsley along the saucer where someone's dirty thumb was likely to be.

I skipped desert as did my friends, but I couldn't pass up a glass of port as an after dinner digestif.  Fabulous.

Overall, I'd give Ely's a positive review and I am sure to return again as I would like to sample a couple of their other creations, but they really need to ditch the plate garnishing from the top of a stepladder because it is adding nothing to the appearance and delectability of the food and seems like a pathetic afterthought.  The wine was great, the service was prompt and acceptable and the pricing, well, maybe a little more than what we got in food, but hey, they are trying and there are scads of restaurants of there that don't even give it that much effort.

After dinner, our plans for a money game of poker was quickly replaced with the idea to go downtown to Fire for some live music.  Hey great I thought, I haven't seen a good local band since three years ago when I saw MissUsed tear the joint up.

The place was jammed packed with rowdy folks and I had no idea how to interpret the band's name which was Splendid Chaos.  One of our group knew the brother of the bassist or something and it was all she could talk about on the way to the club.  The bassist this, the bassist that.  I could only imagine from the back seat that this was not an encouraging sign for her date who was driving with a rather grim, hard-set look on his face.

When the band came on, I can only explain the scene as chaos but not of the splendid variety.  The music was loud and the vocals sounded like, well. . .stick your head in the toilet bowl or a five-gallon bucket and yell as loud as you can while you shriek from time to time.  I made it through five songs and was ok until the band thoroughly butchered a Tool song when I threw up my hands and announced to no one in particular that I was leaving and with that, I left.

Alone in the parking lot, I wandered across the street to Martin's Restaurant and Lounge where there was a nice mix of college kids and old drunks in the filthy old place.  The featured band was Good Enough For Good Times who offered a neat funky jazz and rock vibe.  I felt better.  And it wasn't long before I was joined by two of the other three in our group.  The bassist girl was left behind to fare for herself and the remainder of us closed the bar out until there was nothing left to drink and no one left to drink it with.

Chaos being was it is, at the end of the night I felt good enough for good times.  And a good time it was.

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Thank You Baby Jesus!

Man, we finally got some rain today. For a week now it has been threatening, rumbling and bumbling out there, the whole time feeling like a big, warm, wet, sha-nay-nay and finally it came a falling.

So, I get back to the office today, sopping wet from the inundation and all I can think about is how delicious and warming my hot lunch will be today. Braised cabbage and turnips with smoked sausage, some regular ol' white rice and a modified succotash of garden fresh lima beans, yellow sweet corn, okra and tomatoes. That and a bottle of Trappey's Red Bull Louisiana Hot Sauce and I am a very happy man.

I heat it up in the microwave 'till its nice and hot and sterilized, give it a good stir, shake way too much hot sauce on there and begin to eat. It was fabulous, that is until I nearly broke a tooth on a bone chip or a tiny piece of gravel in the sausage and one bite later I ladled up a big black bug of some sort.

For crying out loud! Is there a full moon out or something??

Guess I should have gone to Taco Bell instead.

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Mmm. . .Mmm. . .Good!

Someone, somewhere, sometime once said, "To each his own."

And before you click through the link below, take a deep breath, a sip of cold water, put away whatever delectable goody you might be nibbling on at the moment and remember the above words.

In less civilized times man was simply a survivor and as he gained intelligence, language, skill and dispersed across our fair planet as a result of travel, war, displacement, disease, conquering or being conquered, his diet and well-being improved over the eons of time since the first predecessors of man appeared.

The challenge of life breeds necessity and from that many wonderful creations, ideas, inventions and serendipitous discoveries have been curated, incubated, and this culmination of general knowledge has been passed down through thousands of years via culture and custom.

In our modern era of pre-packaged foods, Happy Meals, convenience stores and general slothiness we have lost much of that culture and custom when it comes to our foods. But fear not, there are still plenty of people eating horrifying things all over planet earth.

And through the modern miracle that is the internet, I bring you the 10 worst foods ever.

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New Discovery!

Bacon is the Holy Grail!!

Ok well, maybe not, but a cure for hangovers is almost the same thing. In my book anyway.

UPDATE: Thanks for the link El Campeador! Welcome all! Here is one of the many ways bacon can be enjoyed.

H/T: summersc in the headline sidebar at AoSHQ.

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As Suggested By Nils. . .

Brainz.

Sorry folks, looks like a busy week and not sure how much posting I'll get done. I'll try my best to slip something in during free moments, but can't guarantee much.

Here's a link list to keep you busy while I'm humping someone's leg my ass off.

Abraham Lincoln was a muslim.

Ass-kicking Texas lady proves Garafalo wrong. Times a million.

One of these has been hanging around the pond, eating the fish.

And lastly, gag me with an asparagus spear.

Hey, how was your weekend? Filled with excitement? Mundane? Overwhelming? Lemme know!

One more thing, is anyone old enough to remember this guy? I could probably say that he was my initial inspiration to become a chef as I watched him on public television at the ripe old age of 7 or 8. I garoontee!

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Slaw That Kills. . .

Last week, we visited a simple "time saving" recipe hosted by our friends General Electric. I estimate that a whole five minutes would be saved by purchasing pre-chopped or sliced broccoli in a bag. Ok, maybe ten minutes if it had carrots, peppers and other aromatic vegetables.

But really, borccoli slaw in a bag? C'mon people.

I think GE needs to stick with making lightbulbs and turbine engines.

Here is an easy, quick and delicious take on cole slaw that'll have your family and friends saying, "Domo arigato Mr. Roboto!"

Quick and Easy and Tasty Asian Slaw

1 half head of cabbage (green, savoy, bok choy or a mixture), shredded or sliced thinly
2 carrots, peeled, quartered lengthwise and sliced
1/2 large white onion, sliced finely
1/3 red, green and yellow sweet pepper, sliced thinly
3 stalks of celery, halved lengthwise and sliced

Do all your slicing and dicing here. Combine the ingredients and mix thoroughly. You don't have to follow the knife skills as directly as written, but it's nice to make the colorful items look interesting.


Ginger and Soy Dressing

1/4 cup soy sauce
1/4 cup white vinegar (better with rice wine vinegar if available)
4 TBSP. sugar
2 tsp. horseradish mustard (a wasabi mustard works well too)
Juice from whole orange
Zest from half orange, pith removed and minced finely
3 TBSP. fresh ginger, minced finely
3 cloves of garlic, minced
1 tsp. sesame oil
1/4 tsp. or less of Hoisin sauce (be careful, the Five-Spice in this can easily take over)
1 cup of vegetable or safflower oil (something rather flavorless)
4 sprigs of cilantro, chopped

Add soy, vinegar, sugar, orange juice and zest, mustard, ginger, garlic and Hoisin to a blender. At full speed, drizzle in the sesame oil and vegetable oil to form an emulsion. Stop before the addition of all the oil and check for balance. Add the chopped cilantro and whizz a little longer and add any remaining oil should the dressing be too strong.

This recipe is not perfectly proportioned, but should get you pretty close. I was just winging it yesterday. I prefer this dressing to have plenty of zippy punch on the front end, sweet, yet sharp from the citrus and vinegar and a nice, musky salt component. Plus plenty of ginger goodness. Adjust to your liking at this point. For the amount of liquid ingredients (vinegars, juices, et al.) you can use up to about a cup and a half or oil. More than enough for this slaw recipe.

Add the dressing to your bowl full of chopped, sliced, slivered, and minced goodness, coating lightly, taking care not to drench. Reserve extra dressing for another use, like drinking straight from the bottle.

Some other goodies you might consider adding to your slaw: baby corn, water chestnuts, edamame (shelled of course), julienned snow peas, zucchini or yellow squash, any variety of toasted nuts (Macadamia, peanut, cashew), daikon radish, green onions, toasted white and black sesame seeds and even broccoli.

Sharpen your knife and get creative! But for heaven's sake, don't buy slaw in a bag. It's just unnatural and Escoffier is tired of rolling over in his grave.

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Pick Me Up. . .

Hour fourteen of work on four hours of sleep and I'm feeling it. Tried to leave for lunch earlier and had to make no more than three return trips to the desk. Keys. Wallet. Brain. Uh, uh. . .sunglasses.

Did you see that?? I think Obama is rubbing off on me!

I know you friendly friends get tired of my constant musical selections of Steely Dan and Rush. And not in that particular order. Sometimes I put Rush before Steely Dan just to shake things up. And every now and then a King's X video. Or some Maynard.

My musical tastes actually vary wildly, from classical to French rap, which is genuinely more inventive and palatable than it's American cousin. At a minimum, it's in French, so they could be saying stuff like "slap you ho down" and whatnot, but would we understand?

Heck, you can say anything in French and people immediately begin to fall victim to their amorous instincts. It's simply that seductive. Just look at this example from a menu perhaps:

Goujonettes de Sole, Julienne de Carotte et Nouilles Chinoises

. . .means fish sticks of sole with Chinese noodles and julienned carrots.

Or another........

Cervelas de Brochet de Choucroute au Genievre

. . .means Pike Sausage with Juniper flavored Sauerkraut.

I'd almost eat that if someone put it in front of me and said it in French.

Anyway, I've totally lost point here.

Oh, Nils, what was the name of that French rapper we used to listen to? My memory has faded. Probably all that time we spent on the roof of 438 38th.

While I wait for his response, I'll jump in the wayback machine and travel all the way to 1993. A fine year! Here is Terrance Trent D'Arby (as if his name wasn't odd enough then, it's now Sananda Maitreya) performing She Kissed Me from his album Symphony or Damn.

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Lipids. . .

I may have mentioned before that I am on a diet and to date I've lost about 10 pounds. Those who know me are aghast when I say that I am dieting and it was a hard thing for me to swallow initially, because growing up rail skinny all my life, a few pounds here and there makes an exaggerated difference. I never thought I'd have to diet. But here I am. Dieting.

I used to be 135 pounds of slim and trim whoopass, but now I'm 175 pounds of flubbery bubble-butt. Gettin' old is a biotch, lemme tell you.

Where's my probiotic yogurt?

Anyway, I've shunned fast foods for over a month maybe going on two now, with the oft exception, but for the most part I've stuck to it. Soup, high fiber grains, V-8 and minimal Co-Cola's and sugary drinks. Less Heineken. :( I feel better and my bulging beer belly is slowly disintegrating back to a more normal pooch that I can live with.

With all that unneeded insight into my personal struggles being said, I found a website that should inspire all of us to watch what we eat. Cuz, you know, you ARE what you eat and who in the hell wants to be a McGangBang?

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Monday Morning Ponderance. . .

. . .the only thing I can add to this is: indeed.

Thanks be to Nils for the photographic skills.

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Starting From Scratch. . .

Don't have much to say this morning, so I'm just gonna ramble a bit.

The three cats are beginning to coexist on rather peaceful terms. Wildcat and Black Kitty still haven't buried the hatchet, or in their case, the claw, but at least they can hang out in the kitchen without too much disturbance. Wildcat still gets bent when he sees Black Kitty, but not to the extent as before.

Bobcat? Well, she's always on her own agenda and a quick hiss puts an end to any aggression by Wildcat. She's a lady, but she's red-headed too. That must explain that.

Today at work, before I can get through the door and turn off the alarm, the phone is ringing. And guess what? Employee X's baby is sick, so he will not be able to attend his salaried position at work today. No big deal. Moving along.

. . .2 seconds later. . .a cell phone call. . .

Employee Y has another 'meeting' this morning and I'll remain vague on what it's about because I'm not here to spill the personal beans of anyone, but let's just say that Mr. Y had half a day off yesterday for said meeting, was three hours late on Monday and about 45 minutes late yesterday. Add these to the long list of "shit I gotta do" on our dime, like meeting with the bank, paying an electric bill and/or picking up the old lady, fixing her flat tire, a leak in the pipes of my trailer, you name it, these are all interchangeable excuses. I suppose he figures his position is solid within the company and feigned surprise this morning when I lashed into him saying, "we have to work sometime 'round here!"

Guess he hasn't paid much attention to the news lately. Everyone is tightening their economic belts and he appears to be standing outside the loop.

I had a premonition this morning of phone calls such as this. I also had a premonition of eating a greasy, delicious hamburger too, even though I'm on a diet and have been bringing my lunch to work every day. Healthy stuff like low-fat soups, oatmeal, V-8 to drink. 5 pounds lost so far.

However, it's hard to eat your lunch when it's sitting on the counter at home. Boy, that burger is gonna be muy rica!

And just a flash of a memory reminds me of how good a plate full of gallo pinto and Salsa would be with some undercooked tocineta and rubbery heuvos revueltos. What do you think Nils?

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The Promised Land. . .

cheese selections
galveston, texas - december 2008

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Howdy-Do-Do. . .

Yep, I've been traveling again. This time to cater a birthday party (sorta) for friends. You'll meet some new faces, as well as a couple who haven't been seen around here in a while.

I'll give you a hint. . .

Maaaaaaarrrrslenjuuuuuurrrrgg!

Maaaaaaarrrrslenjuuuuuurrrrgg!

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Almost Free. . .

This evening I find myself still stuck in Gulfport. It has been another long week of minor victories, countless frustrations, occasional arguments and in the end, progress. Slight progress.

One more lovely evening in Gulfport probably won't kill me, but I'll be glad to be home, even if only for a day and a half.

Today I spent most of the morning and afternoon in the woods of what will eventually be a subdivision of single family homes. After two days of site layout and one day of drilling for soil samples I could pretty much draw the entire 88 acre property of the back of a napkin if you like. I've seen entirely too much of the flora and fauna that will some day be pushed over to make room for homes.

I always feel a bit of sadness on projects like this. Sometimes it really bothers me that our "progress" comes with such a heavy cost for the rest of nature. Most of the beautiful trees will be destroyed and a lot of animals will be displaced or killed. My soft side is disturbed. I guess I have to just shrug my shoulders and move along. Such is the world that we have created.

On a brighter note, I had a wonderfully crisp and delicious salad today from the local market. There was a very well produced salad bar in the market around the corner with a plethora of nice bound salads and accompaniments for the lettuce. I ate lots of beautiful crunchy things and it was simply fantastic. What I needed after a long day of sweat. Hydration by vegetable. Who'da thunk it?

Now it's time for a shower and a bodily inspection for chiggers. I'm nearly certain that I picked up a few in the low scrub of the woods today. I fear. . .I fear. . .

Is that an itch?

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Chop Chop!

Funny. I just realized I still have my sunglasses on top of my head.

Well, here I am in "Animal House." Otherwise know as a nondescript extended stay hotel to which I have learned since checking in that I'm not fully qualified to stay here. I seem to be lacking the aura of dereliction, scuzziness and funk-i-tude that must be a base requirement for staying in this place. I'm almost 100% certain that I'm the only bloke in here who lacks a criminal record and I'm 110% sure I'm the only bloke cooking with ginger and fish sauce.

Let's get started. First, sterilize everything in your extended stay hotel, including yourself, you filthy bastard.

Slice a bit of onion, bell pepper, and thaw out some frozen mixed vegetables (broccoli, cauliflower, carrots and sweet peas). Peel and mince some ginger and garlic.



Thinly slice one skinless chicken breast on the bias and marinate in soy, fish sauce, ginger, crushed red pepper, garlic and 2 tsp. corn starch. Mix well. Reserving some ginger and garlic for the eventual stir fry.

In the meantime, boil some water, drink some Henieken, gobble down a few Herdez sliced jalapeños and pray that you didn't forget to pack the antacid.

When the water boils, add the rice noodles (you do have rice noodles, don't you?), turn off the heat and let soak for three minutes. Drain, shock with cold water, drain again and reserve.

In a wok not like the one below, heat the pan to high heat, add the oil and cook the chicken and until it has browned and cooked through approximately 50%. Remove and reserve.



In the same "wok" add the ginger and garlic and a touch of red pepper flakes. Saute for 4.39 seconds (literally) and add the onion and pepper. Saute rapidly, moving all the while and after two minutes add the vegetables and saute for 1 minute longer. Add the chicken and noodles 3 TBSP. of soy sauce, a pinch of sugar and 1 tsp. of fish sauce.

At this point, you may have to add few tablespoons of water to help everything heat through. If we were really cooking in a wok, we probably wouldn't have this issue. Maybe just a splash for some hot steam.

Cook for a couple of minutes, toss in a few ingredients that I don't have like, chopped peanuts, a dab of hoisin sauce, chopped coriander, bean sprouts, green onions, water chestnuts, bamboo shoots, enokitake mushrooms, sliced nori and even a pinch of ground, freeze-dried cockroaches (a story for another day).


Well, enjoy! And in case you didn't notice, this is not fried rice. Technically, I suppose it qualifies as a Pad Thai creation. Whatever it is, it's pretty good.

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Home Sweet WTF???

Yup. I'm home. And using the geological scale of time, my time at home is something on the order of one ten thousand sexdecillionth of a second, as early tomorrow I am off to the Coast again. Like how I am subliminally planting a message in that statement?

But this time I am prepared for a week's stay. When I left last week, it was only for two days. Two turned into three, three into four, four into five and a half. Did you like that sliding scale of mathematical progression there?

Anyway, I'm prepared. I'm taking two suitcases. One with clothes and the other with underwear because you just never know. The less I shop at the creepy Wal-Mart in Gulfport, the better off my mental state will be. Honestly, it's like crossing over into some demented workshop of genetic experiments conducted by psychotic, angry, hermaphroditic midgets. Freaky!

And this time I will be staying at an extended stay hotel, which means that I do not have to tolerate crap food except for my own. I'd rather eat a week's worth of Tuna Bean Rice™ than subject myself to substandard bacterial science projects from the local restaurants.

Of course, should I encounter a beautiful, well-adjusted woman to accompany me to a nice dinner, I may reconsider my Tuna Bean Rice™ menu. The young Yugoslavian gal from the Hard Rock Casino I met a few weeks ago turned out to be all brains, if you know what I mean. We had lunch together Saturday and I was ready to walk out before the sweet tea hit the table. I can only talk about shopping and manicures and your long list of failed relationships for so long.

Me: Do you realize that the United Nations wants to impose draconian taxes velied as a green policy of environmental carbon output reductions on the world's largest economies in an effort to, in effect, redistribute the wealth of the world?

Her: What's a carbon output?

Me: Check please!

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Box. . .

it's what's for dinner!

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Speaking of milk. . .

I've always had a fascination with some of the more curious items that we eat and drink, yet take for granted and do not even question the origin of such items.

Take milk for instance. You'd never see anyone run out into a pasture full of dairy cows, grab a teat and take a draw or two. However, put it in a plastic jug, label it and sell if for $3.99 a gallon and you've got something! Hey folks. . .it's juice from a cow's boob! A COW'S BOOB people! Think about it.

Or Honey. Otherwise known as regurgitated bee vomit. It's simple, bee goes to flower, drinks nectar, returns home, repeatedly vomits and swallows the liquid several times until it is puked up one last time and eventually stored in the honeycomb. Sounds lovely, right?

Potted Meat? Well, we all know what THAT is.

I was in a grocery store a few weeks ago in Houston, Texas and I came across some really tasty looking Mexican chorizo. Nice red color, lots of flecks of black pepper, I could even discern that it came in a real intestine instead of those weird casings that feel like paper and taste even worse. I was just about to drop it in the basket when I read the ingredients.

First item: Pork Salivary Glands

That was it! No more meat-type products to be found. Only benzoates and other random preservatives. Back on the shelf it went as I dawdled on down to the Pepperidge Farms, weird, paper wrapped sausage.

Good grief I thought. What the heck ever happened to mechanically separated pork or something of the sort. Make it obscure or abstract so I'll eat it. Being slapped in the face with pork salivary glands was just more than I could handle. I think I'd almost be happier with pig peckers or something. And really, does a salivary gland actually have any meat in it?

Here's a good one, truly extreme and of course just proves that humans really are animals. And I'll admit, it's not a common, taken for granted thing, but I just can't pass this one up.

Casu Marzu. What is that you might ask? Italian dessert? Nope. . .get ready for this one folks.

Casu marzu is cheese similar to pecorino that is allowed to rot to the point that cheese flies move in, colonize, demand equal rights, reproduce until the thing is one slimy, gooey, writhing mass of rotten cheese and living maggots. Well, throw it out, right? Grab a can of Raid and blast those little buggers first? Flamethrower? Nah, grab yourself a slice of crunchy Italian bread, spoon a heap on there and chow down, fly larvae and all. Yet, be very careful, these little dudes have the ability to leap several times their own length so eye protection is advised.

The cheese is illegal, considered an aphrodisiac and is highly prized in certain parts of Italy. There is even talk that some members of the Italian law enforcement community turn a blind eye and enjoy the delicacy too. Yum!

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Liquid speed deemed good for you. . .

The Associated Press is reporting that my favorite drink as a child is actually pretty doggone good for you. Yes, believe it or not, chocolate milk have been proven to better help athletes recover from exercise than Gatorade or other replenishing type drinks. Good news for the dairy industry, bad news for chocolate cows. More work for them.

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