AL GORE WHERE ARE YOU? ? ? ? ?

Deer Mr. Vice-President Guy,

I ain't too well read up on this here Global Warming thang. I heared some people talkin' down at the co-op bout cow farts and all and brewin' up corn to make unleaded gas and not whiskey, but like I said, I ain't too well read up on the whole thang. And makin' matters worse, I seen this here sign you see down yonder ways and I ain't quite sure what to make of it. I's asking my friend Elmont about it, cause he's all smart and such cause he finished nineth grade, and he said that -196° F is kinda like Kelvin and we should all be froze up to death. I told him the only thing I knew about Kelvin is he got three kids, works down at the oil change joint and his old lady is meaner'n a bag of snakes cause she tried to shoot him in the nutsack when he was drunk and raisin' hell about all her whorin' around. And one other thang, that clock on there was saying 7:00 p.m. and well, my momma taught me how to tell time on one-a them regular clocks with them hands goin' in a circle and a circle ain't got no sides and it told me it's 9:32 in the morning.

Now I'm all shook up. You been tellin' me that we s'posed to be getting hotter, but that clock thang says it's Kelvin and I know good and well that Kelvin is down at the oil change place cause that's the only place in town that hired him after he knocked over the Piggly Wiggly six years ago.

Anyways, I ain't sure what to do now. Do I need to get rid of my cows cause they fartin' awful good? Or do I need to get me some of them credits you been talkin' bout and if I get some, does it mean I can get a good deal on a new double-wide?

Sincerely,

Mr. R. D. Neck