The forecast for Thursday is an 80% chance of drowning polar bears with accumulated penguins of one tenth to one half inch. . .
The Church of England has fallen for the greatest scammer on the planet.
Goodbye cruel world! Hello Steely Dan!!
The Royal Scam - Steely Dan
Thanks Al Gore!
This is the first time in a long time that I've had an unexpected day off from work. I am almost unsure of what to do with myself and Bobcat and Black Kitty are all confused by my mid-morning presence at home during the week.
Day before yesterday is was 70-degree weather with tornadoes, and today, sleet, snow and near-freezing temperatures.
This, in a place like Mississippi, creates chaos in the form of ignorance by the general public, who apparently do not realize that snow and sleet are slippery.
Emergency personnel are put on high alert and I can only imagine what they'll see on a day like today.
People just can't seem to get it through their heads, even as the public radio stations warn of the slick roads and treacherous conditions.
For me, I'm just trying to get home. On the east frontage road of Interstate 55, flashers on and traveling 25 miles per hour. I finally get close to Egypt Hill, away from the foolishness of the highway and I relish in the stark beauty of a foreign scene in Central Mississippi, a snow covered landscape.
Only one thing missing at home. . .
. . .a Beatrice to keep me warm.
This is my garden as it stands this afternoon. As you can see I am growing a wide variety of high-density polyethylene and polyethylene terephthalate. Looks like it's going to be a bumper crop this year.
The real truth is, I am wasting valuable polyCARBONate plastics in an effort to save my vegetables from a freeze that is coming this evening. In 1957 the low was 37 degrees. Tonight it is expected to drop to 31 degrees. A 50 year old record soon to be broken in central Mississippi. What can I do?
I've wasted 28 valuable plastic garbage bags and several grocery store bags for what?
I planted this garden with the idea that I can "take up" some carbon by growing plants, while feeding myself, family and friends, therefore saving gas by not having to drive to the grocery store to purchase vegetables and subsequently helping protect the environment from the proliferation of carbon.
Ironically, it is carbon that my plants thrive on and now I am choking them to death inside of an impervious carbon sack that will slowly fill with the exudations of oxygen from the plants themselves hoping that tomorrow I can release them from their corrosive prison once the "Global Warming" takes back over.
Do I waste the plastic carbon to save my plants so I don't create more carbon by having to drive all over looking for new plants or buying vegetables from a carbon belching grocery store? Or do I let them die, because the carbon bags will eventually end up useless in a landfill anyway and then drive all over buying new plants while producing carbon with my vehicle that other plants will happily suck up? Would that create more or less carbon?
I guess in the grand scheme of things it doesn't really matter anyway. I could just buy a few carbon credits, ditch the guilt and confusion, and let Al Gore take care of the problem.
You know, for a place that's supposed to be warming, I got news for ya, it's awful cold Al. And you're an idiot.
Deer Mr. Vice-President Guy,
I ain't too well read up on this here Global Warming thang. I heared some people talkin' down at the co-op bout cow farts and all and brewin' up corn to make unleaded gas and not whiskey, but like I said, I ain't too well read up on the whole thang. And makin' matters worse, I seen this here sign you see down yonder ways and I ain't quite sure what to make of it. I's asking my friend Elmont about it, cause he's all smart and such cause he finished nineth grade, and he said that -196° F is kinda like Kelvin and we should all be froze up to death. I told him the only thing I knew about Kelvin is he got three kids, works down at the oil change joint and his old lady is meaner'n a bag of snakes cause she tried to shoot him in the nutsack when he was drunk and raisin' hell about all her whorin' around. And one other thang, that clock on there was saying 7:00 p.m. and well, my momma taught me how to tell time on one-a them regular clocks with them hands goin' in a circle and a circle ain't got no sides and it told me it's 9:32 in the morning.
Now I'm all shook up. You been tellin' me that we s'posed to be getting hotter, but that clock thang says it's Kelvin and I know good and well that Kelvin is down at the oil change place cause that's the only place in town that hired him after he knocked over the Piggly Wiggly six years ago.
Anyways, I ain't sure what to do now. Do I need to get rid of my cows cause they fartin' awful good? Or do I need to get me some of them credits you been talkin' bout and if I get some, does it mean I can get a good deal on a new double-wide?
Sincerely,
Mr. R. D. Neck
"Oh you Mississippi River, with waters so deep and wide
My thoughts of you keep risin', just like an evening tide
I'm just like a seagull that's left the sea
Oh your muddy waters keep on callin' me"
Mississippi River Blues
by Hank Snow
Here is the river at Vicksburg as it stood this afternoon. As I'm sure you know it's been flooding to the north and all that damn water has to go somewhere. The flood stage at Vicksburg is 43 feet and they expect the river to crest above that level. You never think about it much, but when the Mississippi gets to a certain level it can constrict the outflow of some of it's tributaries, such as the Yazoo River and the Big Black River. Some are predicting potentially large crop losses due to the rapid rise of the water.
Notice the wake at the base of the bridge columns. That water is really boogieing.
Obviously, this is all a result of Al Gore's Global Warmi, er uh, Climate Chan. . .uuhh, the "I don't know what to call it anymore because the Earth has actually cooled and it snowed in Iraq and the polar bears are doing ok and the ice is thicker than ever in Antarctica and it snowed in Mississippi twice this year and the only thing bigger than my carbon footprint is my ass and I look like a fool now."
Call it what is is Al: The Royal Scam.
Put the evidence in the car, Junior!
hype /haɪp/ verb, hyped, hyp·ing, noun Informal.
–verb (used with object)
1. to stimulate, excite, or agitate (usually fol. by up): She was hyped up at the thought of owning her own car.
2. to create interest in by flamboyant or dramatic methods; promote or publicize showily: a promoter who knows how to hype a prizefight.
3. to intensify (advertising, promotion, or publicity) by ingenious or questionable claims, methods, etc. (usually fol. by up).
4. to trick; gull.
–noun
5. exaggerated publicity; hoopla.
6. an ingenious or questionable claim, method, etc., used in advertising, promotion, or publicity to intensify the effect.
7. a swindle, deception, or trick.
hyp·o·crite /ˈhɪpəkrɪt/ –noun
1. a person who pretends to have virtues, moral or religious beliefs, principles, etc., that he or she does not actually possess, esp. a person whose actions belie stated beliefs.
2. a person who feigns some desirable or publicly approved attitude, esp. one whose private life, opinions, or statements belie his or her public statements.
Simple Equation:
Live Earth (hype) + Al Gore (hypocrite) = garbage
gar·bage /ˈgɑrbɪdʒ/ –noun
1. discarded animal and vegetable matter, as from a kitchen; refuse.
2. any matter that is no longer wanted or needed; trash.
3. anything that is contemptibly worthless, inferior, or vile: There's nothing but garbage on TV tonight.
4. worthless talk; lies; foolishness.
5. Slang. any unnecessary item added to something else, as for appearance only; garnish: I'll have an Old Fashioned, but without the garbage.
6. useless artificial satellites or parts of rockets floating in space, as satellites that are no longer transmitting information or rocket boosters jettisoned in flight.
7. Computers. meaningless or unwanted data: That program was not properly debugged and produced nothing but garbage.
Go here for more funny Photoshopped Al Gore pictures.
(Original photo submission by Rides A Pale Horse)
TORONTO (AP) - Al Gore condemned Canada's new plan to reduce greenhouse gases, saying it was "a complete and total fraud" because it lacks specifics and gives industry a way to actually increase emissions.
EasyJet has warned that the carbon offsetting market is riddled with "snake oil salesmen" determined to make excessive profits from green-minded air passengers.
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