"Americans used to say where there's a will, there's a way. Nowadays, it's where there's a pill, there's a way out." - - Burnt Toast

The Rest Of The Story. . .

The guys and gals of The Jawa Report were very supportive of last year's alternative presidential candidate, the Anteater. Yet, no one has heard from him since December. Today gives us terrible news out of Central America. Was it drugs, alcohol, foul play?

Near Portegolpe, Costa Rica -- Although his identity has not yet been confirmed, it is believed that the Anteater, the surprise candidate of 2008, was found dead on a dusty, narrow backroad in the northwest province of Guanacaste, Costa Rica. Authorities continue to compile evidence in the case, but details at this time are scarce and the nearby communities are fearful for their safety.

Fuerza Publica Comandante Ernesto Vientesiete de Abril Granados Culona Grandota stated clearly at a press conference that the national police and local authorities are working on any and all leads, but first he pleaded to the public for more help. Primarily, gas for the police motorcycle.

As to the rampant rumors, he stated, "Of it listened we have of speculation that to the anteater has happened of the coca. Not we can to talk of the Anteater rumors vicious. Please
all questions ask of him [anteater] to the attorney of his [anteater] directly."

The Anteater's lifeless body was found by world renowned bird photographers Burnt Toast and Nils Gundlerboorg as they were hiking through rough terrain in search of the reclusive and yet-to-be photographed variegated warbling bubbletwit pigeon.

Said Mr. Gundlerboorg, "I was crouched down behind an immature coyole palm calling out and listening for the warbling bubble twit pigeon, when I thought to myself, 'something smeels like sheeet,' then I look down and there was a pile of sheeet!" He went on to explain that he called Mr. Toast over to investigate the odor and it was then when they realized not only was there a pile of dung, there was a dead anteater.

Mr. Toast remarked, "We had no idea that our encounter would collapse world markets and send the dollar spiraling, but Nils and I are always on the cutting edge of discovery, whether it be birds, antique bottles of Guaro, dead politicians or smelly piles of feces."

When asked on the cause of death and the impact of the photograph of the body, Mr. Toast admitted, "I've seen a lot of dead animals before, but never a dead animal politician and I really didn't know how to handle it. So, I just said fuck it, I'll take the picture and run with it. After all, I'm American and my 15 minutes of fame is a right! It says so in our Declaration of Constitution document and Barack Obama our dear leader says so too!"

"He's also going to buy me a new car, by the way," smirked Mr. Gundlerjoorg.

After this statement, both men dropped their camera equipment raised extended arms in the air forming the symbolic Obama "O" gesture with their hands and proceeded to complete several squat thrust repetitions, each time on the up-thrust screeching out, "Oooo-BAMA!"

The authorities are investigating complicity of the duo in any potential crime.



Crime Scene Photo


UPDATE: Welcome Jawa's and thanks!

Anonymous –   – (Wednesday, February 18, 2009 at 4:31:00 PM CST)  

you bastards killed him didn't you?

Cudi Bug  – (Thursday, February 19, 2009 at 2:17:00 PM CST)  

Hey Toast.....get off this shit and get back to the cops and the two bros and you.....I'm dying here.....

elcampeador.com  – (Sunday, February 22, 2009 at 8:48:00 AM CST)  

Ummm, from THE commenter with many nic's, in South Africa:

Rodrigo now I have to be a nuisance again.

I liked Burnt Toast and visited his Blog where I found his profile and one articles on animals that made me decide to leave the comment that follows hereon but I can’t get into his site. May I leave it here and will you point him in this direction please.

Here it is:

I bumped into you in El Campeador’s Blog a few times and joined in when the two of you talked about the old days and places a few days ago. I visit his Blog daily; in fact it is partly because of my interest in his Blog that I have now started my own.

Various things got my interest and I notice you mention your favorite book as All Creatures Great and Small. Would that be the one I know as All Creatures Great And Small The Lord God Made Them All by James Herriot? If so, have you read his other work? I have all of them here; our daughter who resides in York, Yorkshire UK lives near the area where Herriot had his practice [you know Herriot is not his real name and the little town where he worked is also ‘’hidden’’ but Janine, that’s our daughter, found and visited it] and she came across a commemorative issue of all eight of his works in a package and I am the proud owner now.

Also, if it is indeed the lovable Herriot, have you read Paul Gallico [Scruffy, Mathilda, Jennie, …. etc.] well, and then you would be quite a guy in my book.

Do let me know but please understand that I have to cook because I have to eat but I am no great cook at all.

Rodrigo now I have to be a nuisance again.

I liked Burnt Toast and visited his Blog where I found his profile and one articles on animals that made me decide to leave the comment that follows hereon but I can’t get into his site. May I leave it here and will you point him in this direction please.

Here it is:

I bumped into you in El Campeador’s Blog a few times and joined in when the two of you talked about the old days and places a few days ago. I visit his Blog daily; in fact it is partly because of my interest in his Blog that I have now started my own.

Various things got my interest and I notice you mention your favorite book as All Creatures Great and Small. Would that be the one I know as All Creatures Great And Small The Lord God Made Them All by James Herriot? If so, have you read his other work? I have all of them here; our daughter who resides in York, Yorkshire UK lives near the area where Herriot had his practice [you know Herriot is not his real name and the little town where he worked is also ‘’hidden’’ but Janine, that’s our daughter, found and visited it] and she came across a commemorative issue of all eight of his works in a package and I am the proud owner now.

Also, if it is indeed the lovable Herriot, have you read Paul Gallico [Scruffy, Mathilda, Jennie, …. etc.] well, and then you would be quite a guy in my book.

Do let me know but please understand that I have to cook because I have to eat but I am no great cook at all.

Who/whom, which ever the hell is correct, has his own blog...

http://ikejakson.wordpress.com/

Don't shoot 'the messenger', dude.

elcampeador.com  – (Sunday, February 22, 2009 at 8:50:00 AM CST)  

How in the fuck, did all trhat shit, double post? Jesus!

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While millions of words a year seem to be devoted across the planet to the likes of Internet Explorer, Mozilla Firefox, and now Google's Chome, it's easy to lose sight of the fact that one browser has stood the test of time better than most of them: Opera .
While never threatening any form of mass-market breakthrough to the level of its rivals, Opera has in fact been around since 1996, and continues to impress its core supportive audience (and Nintendo DS and Wii users, given that it's the browser of choice for those platforms). It's also the product that first gave the browsing the world the likes of tabbed browsing and the kind of extensions that many Firefox users now take for granted.
The tenth version of Opera , therefore, presents a challenge: can its makers keep the innovations coming and, crucially, get more people to notice them? Certainly on firing up the beta version, Opera has put the welcome mat out. While nagging to become your default browser - although it's hard to grumble too much about that, as all of them do it - it presents a more polished look than we're used to seeing from Opera, and is clearly keen to win over some new friends.
A few headline features spearhead this new release. Firstly, it claims - as most browsers currently do - to make browsing faster, through tighter JavaScript support and compression technologies. And Opera is certainly brisk, even if it's not at the pace of current speed-horse, Chrome 2. The compression works well, though, and here you employ a Turbo mode that promises to load selected web pages quicker, with some of the graphics toned down. This was of limited use to us, to be fair, but isn't a bad feature to have in your back pocket if you're on a limited connection.
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