J.I.O.T.W. . .

Nils has been all over me to resurrect the Jackson Idiot Of The Week postings. Ask and ye shall receive!

This week's installment of J.I.O.T.W. is a special event, because this week's winner is not a person concurrent with past episodes, like this doofus or another fine example in these two defective sub-humans. This week's winner is, in fact, The City of Jackson.

Nestled on the fringes of downtown Jackson is a cemetery that is home to countless Civil War soldiers, known and unknown, as well as several prominent politicians, both black and white, a handful of governors, and not forgetting scores of commoners from our great state.

But let's not let any of that get in the way of the City of Jackson. Face it, if Greenwood cemetery is a football, then the City of Jackson is the monkey fucking it.

Recently, severe storms passed through the area and an old oak tree, by some estimates over a hundred years old, was felled during the foul weather. So, who do you call to clean up a giant broken tree? The nationally recognized and well-respected Asplundh? or a local outfit like Advanced Contracting Tree Service? Or hey, maybe even Ghostbusters?

Nay, my dear reader. Those are far too expensive and by jove, we're in a budget crisis!!!!11eleventy!!1 We have a new old mayor who is going to show his stuff by being fiscally responsible and contract the work through the city. Why, we have countless tree removal experts. For example, ol' Bill cleaned up a tree round his chicken house last week and heck, even ol' Tyrone has a chainsaw so we won't have to buy one of those either!

So, said city sends a crew of able-bodied, but weak-minded dopes down to the cemetery with a rented backhoe and well. . .managed to desecrate several graves in one of the oldest portions of the grounds and in one case, dragged multiple headstones some 30 feet away from their original location according to WLBT news.

In a word: disgusting!

I can just picture our crew of hapless shitheads, no no. . .on second thought, who the hell knew what was going through the seven brains cells these mongoloids apparently shared with one another. Need I remind them that cemeteries are places of divine solace for the dead, a final resting place of recognition and remembrance for families, friends and loved ones.

Known or unknown, the dead deserve our respect and the City of Jackson, Mayor Harvey Johnson and the football fucking monkeys who did this should all be ashamed, ridiculed and personally responsible to the full and complete restoration of this valuable part of American and Mississippi history.

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WTF?

There are times, I think, in life, when you've just worn out your welcome on Planet Earth. You're done, finished, kaput. We've tried to accept you into our law-abiding, life-loving, and forgiving society only to see you break the rules, over and over and over again. You've been reprimanded for conduct unbecoming of a 21st century human being before, offered help to mend your evil ways, yet again, here you are facing the fruit of your sins.

For people like you, there should be a simple solution. There should be no more opportunity for you to slip and slide and suckle the kind breast of society. Ours is a nation of laws and we should not have to support you any longer after the powers that be determine your fate. The end of you will not come soon enough and we will all pay the price along the way.

Here is the latest lousy motherfucker to ever crawl from underneath a rock:


Photo Courtesy: Clarion Ledger

This is one Toriano Holmes, age 33, father and boyfriend.

Mr. Holmes has never been able to follow the rules and seems to have always made his own. Yesterday was the end of that.

Mr. Holmes has an impressive extra-curricular activity record; convictions for burglary, cocaine possession, aggravated assault, probation revoked for showing up in court drunk. I'm sure there is more.

But yesterday. . .oh yesterday could we have you back.

Yesterday, this maggot decided that someone no longer deserved to live. He was God, for an instant. An uncaring God, a merciless God, a terrible God.

Mr. Holmes, in a fit of violence, "allegedly" stabbed his girlfriend, Tracy Collier 26 times before "allegedly" running over her bleeding body with a car in the front yard of her home yesterday. And as horrendous and mind-numbingly violent as this may seem, the worst part, the part that really tears me up is the fact that she was the mother of four of his children.

Now they get to grow up without a mother OR a father.

You sir, are a fucking disgrace to the human race and sadly it'll be 30 years before you get the well deserved punishment that you've so rightfully earned. Damn you to hell you evil bastard.

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J.I.O.T.W.

This moron, who I was behind at the burger joint, thought her big, fat, greasy ass was being clever as she patiently waited for the drive-in window attendant to look away so she could slyly drop a handful of trash out of her window, but little did she know. . .


that sitting behind her with his brand new camera, was me. Although I didn't catch you in the act Queen LaTrashita, I did manage to photograph your license plate for the whole world to see. And I hope that all who see you realize that you are a worthless, derelict piece of crap who is instilling in your or someone's child in the back seat, the absolute lowest in human morality and values.

It's bad enough that Jackson is as dirty and broken as it is and it's people like you with no respect for anything (not to mention yourself) that make it such a "great place to live". Fuck you asshole.




Meet the newest Jackson Idiot of the Week.

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J.I.O.T.W. . .

It was a close race this week.

Some of the top contenders were a teacher in Biloxi that had sex with her 15 year old student and this asshole, George Bell, who beat his girlfriend to death last year and even Mississippi Congressman Bennie Thompson. Well, Bennie didn't really do anything special to deserve the award, but it's always important to remind everyone that he's just an average idiot.

No, this week's winner of the Jackson Idiot Of The Week award goes to. . .

The Mississippi State Legislature.




Last week, a few morons who shall remain nameless to protect their moronity, submitted a bill for consideration that would give restaurants the right to refuse service to obese people.

No, wait. Let me get my facts straight.

The bill, if passed into law, would make it a crime for restaurants to serve obese people.

Here is the text of the bill in it's entirety:

House Bill 282

AN ACT TO PROHIBIT CERTAIN FOOD ESTABLISHMENTS FROM SERVING FOOD TO ANY PERSON WHO IS OBESE, BASED ON CRITERIA PRESCRIBED BY THE STATE DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH; TO DIRECT THE DEPARTMENT TO PREPARE WRITTEN MATERIALS THAT DESCRIBE AND EXPLAIN THE CRITERIA FOR DETERMINING WHETHER A PERSON IS OBESE AND TO PROVIDE THOSE MATERIALS TO THE FOOD ESTABLISHMENTS; TO DIRECT THE DEPARTMENT TO MONITOR THE FOOD ESTABLISHMENTS FOR COMPLIANCE WITH THE PROVISIONS OF THIS ACT; AND FOR RELATED PURPOSES.

BE IT ENACTED BY THE LEGISLATURE OF THE STATE OF MISSISSIPPI:

SECTION 1. (1) The provisions of this section shall apply to any food establishment that is required to obtain a permit from the State Department of Health under Section 41-3-15(4)(f), that operates primarily in an enclosed facility and that has five (5) or more seats for customers.

(2) Any food establishment to which this section applies shall not be allowed to serve food to any person who is obese, based on criteria prescribed by the State Department of Health after consultation with the Mississippi Council on Obesity Prevention and Management established under Section 41-101-1 or its successor. The State Department of Health shall prepare written materials that describe and explain the criteria for determining whether a person is obese, and shall provide those materials to all food establishments to which this section applies. A food establishment shall be entitled to rely on the criteria for obesity in those written materials when determining whether or not it is allowed to serve food to any person.

(3) The State Department of Health shall monitor the food establishments to which this section applies for compliance with the provisions of this section, and may revoke the permit of any food establishment that repeatedly violates the provisions of this section.

SECTION 2. This act shall take effect and be in force from and after July 1, 2008.

So, the state is going to punish restaurants by taking away licensing in an effort to police stupidity, lack of self control or genetics? That's just f'n great!

This is so unbelievably insane that I can no longer write about this at the moment. Check back later, I'm going for a triple cheese burger.

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J.I.O.T.W. . .Updated

Sadly, more truths are coming out about Jared Foster, this week's winner of J.I.O.T.W. award, who was arrested for alledgedly selling "narcotics" to a "confidential informant."

The Clarion Ledger is reporting that Mr. Foster, only three months after his initial arrest in 2006 for alcohol possession and contributing to the delinquencies of minors, was arrested AGAIN for committing assault on a fellow Madison Central player. Jared pled guilty in Canton Municipal Court on this count. Three strikes, you're out kid.

Hhhmmm, let's do some math.

+


X



=

I'm tellin' ya Jared, the joint ain't no place for a white boy with a chip on his shoulder. You'll learn real fast who your daddy is, whether you like it or not. It's bad enough you threw it all away for steroids to begin with, but now it's time to be a man and face the consequences of your actions. Stay out of trouble kid. Poo is waiting for you.

Here are some sad words from a January 12th Scout.com article about Jared:

"I am officially an Ole Miss Rebel. They gave me a full ride, so I moved in my things on Tuesday."


"Somebody pinch me that this is true. I can not tell you how good this feels. One day I am playing for MS Gulf CC and now I am playing for Ole Miss. I just thank Coach Nutt for giving me the opportunity. I have read a lot of people on your message board bringing up the past trouble I got in high school. Coach Nutt told me to not let those people bother me, that he was the only person who mattered. He said that he had complete faith that I was a different person now, and we all learn from our mistakes. That made me feel so much better about all of that. Now I just want to go out there and prove all of my doubters wrong. I know this, I will never let Coach Nutt down. He had faith in me, when quite frankly, not many others did outside of my family and the staff at MS Gulf Coast CC."

You could have been a contender Jared. Listen to the sting of your own words. If only they were sincere.

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J.I.O.T.W. . .

This week's winner is Jared Foster.

Mr. Foster, a fine upstanding citizen of the Jackson Metropolitan area, was recently arrested for allegedly selling steroids. Sadly, this arrest has caused the University of Mississippi, that's Ole Miss to us, to rescind his upcoming scholarship to play football at the position of quarterback.



And unfortunately, this is not Mr. Foster's first encounter with the law. He was arrested in 2006 when police crashed a party at his home and he was charged with multiple counts of alcohol possession and contributing to the delinquencies of minors. Part of his deal was to cooperate with the law on a further steroid investigation after officers found a "controlled substance" in the home.

Get some help Jared, don't spend your life being a punk or you'll end up sharing a cell with the likes of Poo and ex-Constable Gilmer. What's better? Playing football in college or tossing salads in the joint? You decide.

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J.I.O.T.W. . .

This weeks winner is. . .Ex-Constable Eddie Gilmer, who in 2004 was sentenced to 25 years in prison for secretly video-taping a woman from his car as she talked on the phone in her apartment.

Here he is. . .a shining example of an elected official:


He appealed to the United States Supreme Court arguing that the video voyeur law in the state of Mississippi is too broad. His lawyer claiming that the victim, by sitting in front of door where she knew she could be seen did not qualify her for a "reasonable expectation of privacy." Therefore, it was clearly okay for Constable Gilmer to sit in his car, parked 85 feet away in the darkness and tape her with a zoom lens. Not to mention carrying two pair of binoculars also.

Thank god the Supreme Court has got some sense and affirmed the lower court ruling.

Congratulations Constable. . .you are our Jackson Idiot Of The Week. And God willing, Poo will be your new cell mate.

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J.I.O.T.W. . .Updated

We all remember Poo, right?



Well, it seems that when the cops bashed his door in after announcing their presence several times, Poo was convinced that they were "jackers" and not the police, which was his reasoning for firing guns inside his own home with woman and child present.

You know Poo, maybe it should have been jackers, at least they would have had no mercy on your sorry ass and you'd be 300 pounds of crap buried in a box somehwere. Enjoy prison pal.

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A New Deal. . .

I gotta new idea here for the old blog and I will call it J.I.O.T.W.

The Jackson Idiot of the Week.

And our first winner is this dude:



This is Mr. Robert M. Jones and he is a dumbass. Not only is he a dumbass, he is a coke and marijuana dealer, ex-felon, police assaulter and in general, a fucking idiot.

Police served a warrant early this morning and when they entered the house and identified themselves, Mr. Jones opened fire with a .45 semi-automatic pistol, then a .223 assault rifle.

The cops were able to apprehend Mr. Jones after he ran out of ammunition in his assault rifle and was searching for another weapon to continue the battle.

Now, on most days, this would be just another of many sad incidents in Jackson where the police have to deal with ignorant morons wielding a gun. But this asshole deserves special credit because not only was this hammerhead firing a gun inside of his house at the cops, the home was also occupied by his girlfriend and her 5-year old daughter.

Congratulations Mr. Jones, you have been crowned Burning Toast's First Annual Jackson Idiot of the Week.

Don't drop the soap buddy, they will always be someone bigger and stronger than you in the joint.

Oh, and one more thing, he was wanted in Texas for felony wacky-tabacky possession.

Nils? Do you know this man?

UPDATE: 1/11/2008

Mr. Jones is also known as "Poo."

Another example of reality being the best comedy.

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