Eureka!
I have finally figured it out!
I am a problem solver and a deep thinker (generally) and when it comes to conflict resolution, I am a master. However, there are times that even I cannot resolve an issue, an issue so complex and undefinable that even Freud would probably scratch his head and say, "I think I need a dandruff shampoo."
So, since I have lost the battle, one that has been raging for months with ocassional breaks in the defensive lines and quiet lulls in the fighting when words of kindness have been exchanged. I now realize that the war has long been over and I've been the loser all along; standing in no-man's land with fingers in ears, awaiting the next barrage that is never to come.
In retrospect, and in particular reference to humans of the female variety, I think now I elect to treat all of you like shit just as most other humans of the male variety do. It seems to work for them and hell, if that's what women want, then why not give it to them. The nice guy routine just ain't working out.
So listen up you bitches! There is a new sheriff in town and his name is Buck Nasty. Everyone line up and stand at attention!
You, bottle blonde! I bet you're a dumbass, go get me a beer while I watch football and pass gas on the couch with my beer-swilling, pot-head buddies. And you, the tall brunette! You seem smart, but your ass is fat. Want another cookie, fatso? And you, the redhead, well, we all know you are just bat shit crazy to the bone. You can't be helped, go play in traffic.
Now now, before anyone gets their panties all bunched up I have the following disclaimer:
This post is SATIRE based on an emotional response to a recent event. I DO NOT hate women, nor have ever treated one poorly outside of general human male ignorance, which all men are subject to from time to time. Actually, I adore the company of women more than men and not just for the obvious reasons. However, I am entitled to my opinions and life has a way of twisting a man up until he cries "uncle" and once unwound his opinions are subject to change.
With all of that said, where is my fucking beer, Blondie??
Ok?
Is that what you said? "Ok?"
