Peace. . .

. . .the old fashioned way.

H/T: Nils

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Swing Looooowwwww. . .

Sweet Chariot. . .coming for to carry me. . .hey, why am I on fire?

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Smells Like Victory. . .

A little April Fool's for brainless jihadis.

Or things that make you go, why am I on fire?

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Taking A Rocket For A Ride. . .

I like stuff that flies. Airplanes. Birds. Spitballs. Boogers.

Particularly interesting though are flying objects designed to fly, navigate and eventually intercept some other flying object. You know, like a falling Inter-Continental Ballistic Nuclear Missile.

They said it couldn't be done and have been parroting that line for 20 years.

Hey, here's a novel idea. The reality behind missile intereceptor systems.

And guess what? Yeah, it works.

Hey Obama? Suck it buddy.

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Happy Hanukkah Hamas!

Death from Above by Jordan Taylor Andrusiak

run, run was a soldier's wail
as death from above continued to hail
for the rat, the rat, the end was nigh
on his knees for mercy
we'll hear him cry

Run cowards, run!

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Ahoy Matey!!

Since I am lucky enough to share my birthday with the really dumb idea of International Talk Like a Pirate Day (caveat: I was here first), I must admit that with the increase of real pirating off the waters of Somalia I'm getting kind of pissed off at these brain damaged, goat-humping, Islamo-fascist knob-gobblers parading around in paper boats with guns and rockets!

Who in the hell do they think they are?

Somehow, someway and somewhere, probably in Berkeley, California, I hear someone blaming George Bush for this unnecessary foolishness.

Let's go back to the third grade and revisit compare and contrast.


United States:

Unites States Navy Arleigh Burke class Guided Missile Destroyer displacing 9,200 tons with a crew of 273. Armed with a variety of sea to land, sea to air, sea to sea missile systems and 4 gas-turbine engines producing 108,000 horsepower.

Somalia:

Wooden pirate attack vessel, complete with five camel-humping turds wrapped in towels displacing about five turds, uh, 1 ton worth of water. Weaponry consists of: not much. Propulsion system: part-time outboard motor subsidized by full-time wooden paddle.

United States:

Phalanx Close-In Weapon System (CIWS), fires 3,000 to 4,500 rounds per minute with it's radar-guided 20mm M61 Vulcan Gatling gun auto-cannon. I think I just got a boner saying that. The land version of this weapon is so good that it can shoot falling rockets out of the sky with High-Explosive Incendiary Tracer, Self Destruct (HEIT-SD) rounds. No, I'm not kidding. We are Americans, we can make anything.

Somalia:

Armed and unwrapped pirate turd sporting a cheaply made (probably Chinese), difficult to maintain automatic machine gun that is likely to jam and misfire often. And he probably sucks at it because he's too fucked up on quat and busy day dreaming about his clitoris-less wife.
Or goat.

United States:

MQ-1 Predator Unmanned Aircraft System armed with two AGM-114 Hellfire Missiles, complete with electro-optical sensor system, infrared, laser designator and illuminator systems.

Somalia:

They don't have any unmanned hunter/killer planes because they are turds wrapped in towels floating around in paper boats. And when they're not doing that, they are busy chopping off the clitorises of children, butchering one another randomly, chewing narcotic plant leaves (in the names of Allah?) and squandering the fertile resources of the East African desert (not!).

My suggestion?

Well, if the USA isn't going to get tough on the high seas, as they've done so far, and lets the goddamn Indian navy take over the blood and guts duty of teaching these jackasses a lesson or two, then for heaven's sake, let do something!! Anything!!!11

Howsabout we just carpet bomb Somalia forever? Use it as one giant bombing range. You know, cause that's another thing we are pretty good at, making bombs and the bombers that drop them.


Tolerance is not an option. And we can take advantage of all the free glass that comes with blowing up the desert. Just think of the savings for the glass industry.

I can hear it now in Berkeley: NO WAR FOR GLASS!!

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Those Who Know Me. . .

. . .and are willing to listen to my long rambling theories about world events know that I believe the reasoning that we went into Iraq is far more than the average man, woman, child or Congressperson can surely fathom.

I always assumed there had to be some disturbing, underlying reason to invade Iraq beyond the reverberating accusations from the left about oil, big oil, yadda yadda. President Bush may come across as some half-cocked cowboy dummy from Texas, but behind him is the world's best ever intelligence apparatus ever assembled by man and I have argued more than once that going into Iraq was far beyond our quest for oil. For God's sakes, it's $140 per barrel today.

The "strategery" of Iraq, as faulted as it may be, is surely a larger plan of positioning ourselves within the confines of one of the most dangerous places in the world surrounded by our enemies in an effort to drive a wedge, politically and socially, into the sides of our foremost enemies. This multifold plan to establish a stable democracy in Iraq also protects Saudi Arabia (like it or not), our smaller Arab allies in the region, bolsters Israel, needles Iran, Syria and Hezbollah in Lebanon and with our front on the other side of Iran in Afghanistan, really turns the heat up on Iran. Simply because. . .

. . .Iran has been the goal of this 5 year struggle all along.

They are the premminent, sadistic, deformed head of today's modern terror movement and they WANT the bomb. End of the fucking story right there.

You can say what you want about oil or the weapons of mass destruction that never materialized. Yeah, just ignore the TONS of yellowcake uranium the USA and her allies recently moved OUT OF IRAQ.

Hey Scott Ritter? Where'yat boy?

The objective is all about Iran.

To disassemble the religious hierarchy of Iran, free her people and sedate the violent tendencies of militant Islam. Simple as that. Or is it?

Obviously not, but what choice do we have. Do you prefer a world where Iran, who colludes with the likes of Hezbollah or agents in Venezuela, to have a bomb or some "dirty" version of it to be smuggled across our borders. People are far too naive to realize the true danger of the world we live in. This world is sinister and filled with a Hogan's Alley of people who would step into the vacuum of a planet minus a wealthy, productive, diverse and strong United States. If Iran ever makes a bomb, it'll be damned hard to "unmake" it and we will be in a far less advantageous position to defend ourselves.

Yes, like us, love us or hate us, we are the only country with the fortitude, conscience, and quite frankly, the balls to smack other countries on the wrist and say, "Hey, get with the program! We're in the 21st century. Butchery, beheadings, child slavery, honor killings, suicide bombings will not be accepted."

We have learned to live peaceably and that is our simple goal for the planet: peace, free and goodwill for everyone.

So, believe me about my theory on Iraq? If so, come over and have a Heineken.

If not? Read this.

This is the real deal America. We are near the end and it's going to be US or THEM. I prefer us.

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The New Math. . .

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadickhead has "calculated" that the United States will not attack his country.

His reasoning?

"I tell them: 'I am an engineer and I am a master in calculation and tabulation.

"I draw up tables. For hours, I write out different hypotheses. I reject, I reason. I reason with planning and I make a conclusion. They cannot make problems for Iran.'"

He, however, could not prove mathematically the reasoning behind the fact that he looks like a chimpanzee.

"God willing, my deek eez deeees big."

"Oooohhh!"

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Dear President Cheney. . .

Now's your chance!! Bomb Iran!! Do it! Do it!

Yours Truly,
Burnt Toast

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Could You Please Pass The Jelly. . .

Just when you thought it was safe to walk the streets again. . .this happens. . .

From The Clarion-Ledger:

A suspicious package that caused a stir in Hazlehurst on Tuesday turned out to be a jar of jelly.

The FBI, bomb squads and several other law enforcement agencies responded to the vehicle of a local public defender who discovered the package on the front seat of his car.Bass described the package as a paper towel wrapped around a cylinder, duct-taped and placed in a plastic bag.

Around 3 p.m., M.A. Bass called police, and an officer with the Hazlehurst Police Department responded.

"The officer said he really didn't know what it was and thought it looked suspicious," Bass said.

Nearly four hours later, FBI and Clinton Police Department bomb technicians determined the package to be jelly.

"It was mayhaw jelly," Bass said.

Jelly bombs, the new WMD.

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Drop bombs, break backs. . .

Maybe the Dems are right, a pullout from Iraq may not be such a bad idea. Let those lunatics fight it out. If we aren't going to buck up and start dropping bombs like mad, then what's the f'n use? Killing a militant here or there ain't gonna work. Break out the heavy bombers and break the will of these god-forsaken people. Violence is the only thing they know and understand.

Oh, but I know, we can't do that anymore. Somebody is too afraid that little Fatimah homemaker and her child might get blown up for all of us to see in real-time on the Fox or CNN or even worse, MSNBC. Oh heavens, the outrage! You can't kill people in a war!! That's baaaaaad! Shame on you for killing people in a war.

Hey, where the fork was Fox and MSNBC when a disabled kid in my hometown was tied up, strangled and whose body was found burning behind a furniture store last week. Isn't that an outrage too? Isn't that baaaaaad?

Toughen up America. Let's bomb these barbarians back into the 4th century and get it over with. How many more of our fine young soldiers have to get killed or hurt before you realize that war is a nasty business, people are going to die and that dying is the only way to win a war.


Oh yeah, and vote for Barack Obama. Why? Because MSNBC says he's a rockstar, the only qualification you need.

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