"Americans used to say where there's a will, there's a way. Nowadays, it's where there's a pill, there's a way out." - - Burnt Toast
Showing posts with label liberal idiot. Show all posts
Showing posts with label liberal idiot. Show all posts

D Is For. . .

Dumbfuck, dimwitted, Democrat dolt!

Yesterday evening I was watching Bill O'Reilly as his discussion was focusing on the following insanity uttered by now (Thank you baby Jesus!) ex-House Speaker Nancy Pelosi:

“Deficit reduction has been a high priority for us. It is our mantra, pay-as-you-go.”

Every time I hear that or read it or even think of her 1,000 yard, creepy, baby doll eyes stare I get a tingling sensation along my hypothalamus and amygdalas.  In other words, I feel blinding fucking rage that such a hair-brained dipshit can end up in a critical position of power.  This woman must have mercury poisoning from too many cans of her husband's tuna fish because she has said some godawful half-truths and skirted some issues before, but this newest golly-whopper is simply a flat-out lie!  They wouldn't call it that on television last night, but I will because it is!

The Los Angeles Times blog attempted yesterday to explain just how quickly the American government is accumulating debt.  I can't remember exactly, but it was something like $50,000 per hour.  No.  $50,000 per minute.  No that's not right.  Ah, here I found it. . .

Since June of last year, seems so long ago, right?  Since June 2010, the government has added to the national debt by $54,084 per second.  Let me repeat that.  Fifty-four thousand eighty-four dollars per second.

Count.

1....2....3....4

That equals $216,336.  This is roughly equivalent to the average home price in the United States in 2009.  In four fucking seconds!!  And you're are paying as you're going, Nancy?  Oh puh-lease!  Someone get this woman a lobotomy before she hurts someone.  Oh wait, she has already  hurt everyone by helping breach the trust of the people by enacting useless legislation, social programs, and spending that is helping to gobble up this astronomical amount of money! Their spending is our debt.

At first I didn't think she could top the previously most-insane thing she had ever said which was her remark about how unemployment benefits create jobs:


"It injects demand into the economy," Pelosi said, arguing that when families have money to spend it keeps the economy churning. "It creates jobs faster than almost any other initiative you can name."

Hell, if that were true and with the government extending jobless benefits for 90+ weeks, we ought to be overrun with jobs!  I ought to be able to slide my underwear drawer open in the morning and find 10 or 11 jobs hiding in there.  When I split open a bag of Cheeseburger Cracker flavor Combos, a big ol' job fist ought to fly right out and punch me in the face!  I am not an economic genius by any means, but I do have common sense.  And I know that if my company spent money on a percentage basis compared to what the government does, our asses would have been in the soup line years ago with a creditor list half a mile long.  What the hell do these idiots think they are doing?

I think it is time that America take up the very serious issue of passing term-limits legislation for the politicians in Washington.  We need to root out the entrenched and very much insane inmates who are most definitely in charge of the asylum.  We may never survive the next election cycle as a solvent country if something isn't done pronto and I doubt seriously that the Republican led house can turn back the coming economic tsunami.  The Chinese already own half of our asses, ass hair, and all of the toilet paper, so we are in deep shit until further notice.


*Photograph of Cheeseburger Cracker Combos is for information purposes only.  Consumption of this product is not recommended.

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The Best Idea Yet. . .

Thanks Nils!

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Well, Boo-F'N-Hoo. . .

Poor Contessa, she's just now realizing that dreams (of my father?) sometimes DO NOT come true.

Not to be left out of the anti-anti-muslim extremist psychosis, CNN adds to the idiocy by insinuating that the bomber was disturbed by the foreclosure on his home.  Yeah, first thing I think about when I default on a loan is building a giant fucking fertilizer bomb and parking it in a crowded city street.

Bee-yow!  Take that Citibank!

Did I miss a memo about zombies taking over?  Because it seems everyone is a bit short on brains. . .

H/T: Weasel Zippers

P.S.  The alleged bomber was placed on the "no-fly" list Monday morning and was still able to board a plane Monday night, early Tuesday. (source: ACE)  I guess that system is working quite well, isn't it Janet?

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Thuggery Is As Thuggery Does

"We will keep our boot on the throat of BP"

Oh really now?  I guess this is ok too, just like threatening to kill the Jonas Brothers, or uttering profanities publicly, even though you are the most highly regarded leader of the free world.  Let me rephrase that, the office holder of the most highly regarded office of the free world.  Clears that up a bit.

H/T:  Pundit and Pundette and Weasel Zippers

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Obama, You Got Some 'Splainin To Do!!!!!

From a chain email courtesy of Nils:

Dear President Obama:

I'm planning to move my family and my extended family to Mexico, and I am asking you to assist us.

We will simply walk across the border from the U.S. Into Mexico; we'll need your help to make a few arrangements.

We plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration quotas and laws.

I'm sure they handle those things the same way you do here. So, would you mind telling your buddy, President Calderon, that we are on the way over?

Please let him know we expect the following:

1. Free medical care for my entire family.

2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need, whether I use them or not.

3. All Mexican Government forms must be printed in English.

4. I want my grandkids to be taught Spanish by English-speaking (bi-lingual) teachers.

5. Tell their schools they need to include classes on American culture and history.

6. I want my grandkids to see the American flag on one of the flag poles at their school.

7. Please plan to feed my grandkids at school for both breakfast and lunch.

8. I will need a local Mexican driver's license so I can get easy access to government services.

9. I do plan to get a car and drive in Mexico, but I won't purchase car insurance, and I probably won't make any special effort to learn local traffic laws.

10. In the event one of the Mexican police officers does not get the memo from their president to leave me alone, please be sure that every patrol car has at least one English-speaking officer.

11. I plan to fly the U.S. Flag from my housetop, put U S. Flag decals on my car, and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I do not want any complaints or negative comments from the locals.

12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, or have any labor or tax laws enforced on any business I may start.

13. Please have the president tell all the Mexican people to be extremely nice and never say critical things about me or my family, or about the strain we might place on their economy.

14. I want to receive free food stamps.

15. Naturally, I'll expect free rent subsidies.

16. I'll need income tax credits so that although I don't pay Mexican taxes, I'll receive money from the government.

17. Please arrange it so that the Mexican Government pays US$4,500.00 to help me buy a new car.

18. Oh yes, I almost forgot, please enroll me free into the Mexican Social Security program so that I'll get a monthly income in retirement.

I know this is an easy request because you already do all these things for all his people who walk over to the U.S. From Mexico. I am sure that President Calderon won't mind returning the favor if you ask him nicely.

Thank you so much for your kind help.

You're the man!!!

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Little White Lies. . .

I guess the only time Congress wasn't lying was when Nancy Pelosi said we have to pass the Obamacare bill to find out what's in it.

Maybe she should start lying again.  Seems to work better for us.

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Enviromentalism I Can Believe In. . .

(click image to enlarge)

h/t: Nils

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Hot Dogs And Blow Holes. . .

Much has been made over the recent commentary by a group of doctors who are advocating warning labels on packages of hot dogs to reduce the number of choking deaths in children.  Adding to this idiocy, they are also suggesting a redesign of the hot dog's shape, which would probably bankrupt the hot dog industry as it would require a total retooling of the complex machinery necessary to extrude this mechanically-separated meat goodness.

But I guess if they need to reshape the hot dog, I would suggest the rhombus.

The rhombus is a quadrilateral whose four sides all have the same length.  The rhombus is also called "diamond" and oddly enough, "lozenge", which by the way, you can choke on too.  Look out kids!! Yet, if you made a hotdog rhombus large enough, it would require more than a mouthful to bite through the total width of the meat product.  However, if hot dog producers elected to go with this shape, the hot dog bun makers would have to retool also, and frankly, this new bun would give the hot dog rhombus a peculiar likeness to the ubiquitous hamburger.  On the bright side and depending, of course, on the hot dog rhombus recipe, it could certainly end the egregious misnomer of the HAMburger.

I guess a better idea would be teaching children to chew their food completely before swallowing, but that puts too much responsibility on the parents and God knows they are so overwhelmed with responsibilities these days.

Daddy, I want an iPhone NOW!  Everybody has one but meeeeeeeee!!!11eleventy1!

Son, did you chew your hot dog?

Son?  SON??!!!

Or, I don't know, maybe kids should be offered healthier choices in food products at such a young and developmentally important age.  We are the most obese nation on the planet after all and hot dogs are not the best choice for a healthy food lifestyle.

How about green peas?  Anyone ever choke on a green pea?  Maybe an occasional trip to the emergency room to remove one deeply embedded in a nostril, but surely peas are not a choking hazard.

Or maybe salads.  No one has ever choked to death on an iceberg lettuce wedge.  Unless there was a whole, slender, glistening, non-rhombus shaped hot dog hiding beneath the tender goodness, camouflaged in Roquefort dressing, just waiting to lash out like a poisonous asp and clog up some kid's blowhole.

This simplest remedy to this crisis I heard on the radio today.  Cutting the dastardly hot dog in half, modifying the shape ever so slightly so your brain damaged child, whose millions of years of evolutionary rumination has malfunctioned, will not choke to death on the dangerous hot dog.

I guess lastly and if all else fails, all non-rhombus hot dogs could be served like this:


You would never choke on this, but there is a chance of complete cardiac failure after consumption.

Hmmpphhh.  I guess life is full of risk, isn't it?  Next thing you know, they'll be putting warning labels on anvils:  Keep Away From Roadrunners.

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Raaaaaaiiiid!!!!!!!

Man, somebody pinch me hard because I must be somnambulating!  The Demonrats are dropping like flies in a cold storage freezer.

Are the healthcare, massive debt, we're broke chickens coming home to roost?  As Sarah Palin and Marge Gunderson might say: You Betcha!

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Unadulterated Butthead. . .

Manners is manners and no matters where you been learned dem, it bees a good time to be usin' dem, fool!

Know what I'm sayin, yo?

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For Heaven's Sake. . .

This is no joke.  The man-boy is everywhere.

I mean EVERYWHERE!! (h/t: SondraK)

You better check your sock drawer.  He might be in there too.

Damnit man!

Ok Ok.  Underwear drawer?

Grrrrr!

Bathroom?  The garage?  The Chia Pet?  Is nothing sacred anymore?


Nope.  Not even the presidency.

UPDATE:  The Obama Store has closed.  Ok, everyone on three, 1-2-3, awwwwww!  (h/t: Weasel Zippers)

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Achtung!

Is there anywhere on the planet to escape this asshole?


Just what I want to see with the most greatest football game evah!  A full dose of politics, a lying asshole and a booty-shaking old bag of jelly dougnuts.

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I,Robot. . .

Does this man wear diapers too?

How can you go to a school full of children and not have an honest, open and impromptu interaction with them? I guess if you're Obama, it's impossible to manage.

It rubs the lotion on its image. It does this whenever it is told.

And they said Bush was a dope.

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Sign In Rockwall, Texas. . .

. . .and as they say, "God Bless Texas!"

h/t: Beatrice

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Hot Air And Oil. . .

Good grief. President Buckethead just can't win for losing, can he?

The shining star seems to be collapsing in on himself.

Copenhagen: FAIL!
Healthcare: FAIL!
Iran policy: FAIL!

Being a Buckethead: WIN!

1.21 gigawatts!!

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Headline Fun. . .

AP: EPA Declares CO2 Dangerous; Plant Life Hardest Hit, Mulls Non-Profit PAC

Ok, that's a joke alrighty, but not really.

We've definitely found the bottom of the rabbit hole, but I think our long, strange trip has only just begun.

A quick poll:

Who is more dangerous?

The Cheshire Cat?


or Barack Obama?


Must be time for a poignant musical interlude.



"The trees are all kept equal. . .by hatchet, axe and saw." - The Trees by Rush

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You Are Correct. . .

Hell hath frozen over.

But what else do we expect from a snobby, over-educated narcicistic doofus and his equally incompetent crony clonies who can't keep the riff-raff out of a state dinner?

Must be those yardbirds coming home to roost America.

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Please Make It Stop. . .

. . .its insidiousness is everywhere. EVERYWHERE!

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Won't You Sign In Stranger. . .

Why do you people still come here? My god, have you no life? Yeah, me either and in the words of the immortal Ferris Bueller, "Thanks for stopping by."

Man, I can't believe I haven't posted a thing on here in over a month. I should be ashamed of myself, but I am not. Life has a way of gripping you, holding tight and rendering you more useless than a one-legged man at an ass-kicking contest; squeezing the vital nectar of your soul until you are a dried-up, abstract representation of the mighty, the once good and the nearly forgotten.

Recently, I have logged many a mile as I traveled to and from home each day on a 250-mile round trip to Natchez and back. On the bright side, it gives a thinking man like me plenty of time to ponder the great unknowns and intricacies of life, but as I sit in my office, desk-bound, trying to answer the great notions and waging climatological war with the polar bears in the front office, I realize there are many answers that I shall never know. Like, what exactly is an unorganized grabastic piece of amphibian shit? Or why did Paul ask about the mouse shadow on the second moon? Or an even greater question: Before drawing boards, what did everyone go back to? Yeah, that's what I'm sayin'!.

But then, we have realities of hard life too, replete with lunatic cop-killers, inept leadership at all levels of government, scuzzy attention whores, con-artists, vile dictators, and scurrilous events of all forms and nature. I guess it's simply life; the taking of the good with the bad in grand hopes of being able to swallow the bitterness of defeat with a dash of the sugar sweet silk of victory, however fleeting and minor those glimpses of 'the win' may be.

Ah well, we can't all change the world, can we? If we could, some things would never stay the same. Like donuts. What if someone decided donuts should be shaped like a square? Or like a rhombus? Or donuts formed like a human hand? It would be a constant battle of each person's selfish interest in our scheme to provide, and give, and nurture our ever-evolving and growing neurotic sociopathy. Hey, what the fuck did I just say there? I don't know. . .but it sounds brilliant!

I guess what I am trying to say here is that Barack Obama is a first class, spineless, wimpy, self-aggrandizing, douchebagging puss. Yes, I said all that to say that. Maybe I should remain a man of simple words and direct statements, but there comes a time in life when you have to pull your balls out and show them around, just to remind the masses that you pack a pair. Hear that Obama?

Oh, guess not.

These are great days we're living, bros. We are jolly green giants, walking the Earth with guns. These people we wasted here today are the finest human beings we will ever know. After we rotate back to the world, we're gonna miss not having anyone around that's worth shooting. -- Crazy Earl in Full Metal Jacket

Here some music to wash that hand-shaped donut down with. . .

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A Sign O' The Times. . .

(click image to enlarge)

H/T: RoadHawg

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Picture
Herbs!

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